Camping with Squad 6
by Agent HUNK
Summary: Thanks to new laws passed in the Soul Society, Renji can finally fullfill his dreams of going camping in the human world. And for some reason, Byakuya is tagging along for the trip. But will their little trip turn into a big nightmare? Not a yaoi fic!
1. Camping?

I won't talk too much, since you probably just want to get to the funny stuff. Let me just explain the simple things...

I'll keep things as In Character as possible, but there will still be plenty of silly moments.

The story takes place after the Soul Society Arc. Rukia is saved, no Arrancar are running about, et cetra...

The main plot is a camping trip which Renji and Byakuya take after being given permission by the Soul Society to take vacations in the human world.

This is not a yaoi story or anything like that. Just want to make that clear...

Some of the chapters will have short conversations between Byakuya and Renji at the beginning or end. These are unrelated to the main storyline, but funny none-the-less.

If you have complaints, or ideas for the story or conversations the two can have, please put them in a review.

Okay, lets get this story started, then...

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any of the other products/toys/animes mentioned in this fan fiction.

* * *

The news was interesting. Interesting, indeed. Apparently, the Captains and Vice-Captains of the 13 Shinigami Squads had not been recieving the vacation time that they deserved. And it seemed that they also did not recieve the vacation opportunities that were deserving of, as well. There were not many places to go in the Soul Society for a vacation, and few people wanted to spend their days off just sitting in their office since they had no place else to go. So, from the high courts of the Seireitei, a new rule was passed.

Captains and Vice-Captains, with permission, could visit the human world during their vacations, which were now longer and more common.

Several Captains and Vice-Captains were very excited to hear this. But none more-so than Renji Abarai. For you see, Renji had always dreamed of doing something that most humans enjoyed doing. However, there were few, if any, places to do it in the Soul Society. For you see, the one thing Renji wished to do the most on his vacation was...

"Go camping?" Byakuya Kuchiki stared down at his Vice-Captain, his right eyebrow arched _slightly_ at the concept.

"Yes, sir," Renji Abarai replied with a grin. "I have always heard about it, and it is supposedly very fun. In the human world, you can do things like fish, cook on an open fire, and sleep in tents."

"_Why_?" was all Byakuya could say to such a barbaric idea.

"Because, sir, its fun!" Renji exclaimed happily. Normally, he wouldn't dare take such a tone with his Captain. But he was in a happy mood, and he thought that the prospect of camping would appeal to even Byakuya Kuchiki. "You can relax, and not worry about the troubles of civilized life. There's no one there to bother you, and you get to enjoy much simpler living."

"And you're telling me about this... _because_?" Byakuya arched his eyebrow slightly higher.

"Because, I thought you may be interested in the idea..." Renji shrugged. "I thought you'd enjoy the fresh air, and the chance to relax..."

"You _thought_ that _I_ would enjoy sleeping in a _tent_ in the middle of _the woods_ with _you_?" Byakuya slowly replied.

"How do you plan on spending you vacation, then, sir?" Renji responded, unable to come up with anything better.

"In my _manor_, where I have a _bed_, a _shower_, and _real food_," Byakuya explained.

"Hm..." Renji was getting nowhere. He had to think of something. What on Earth would make Byakuya want to go camping? "I'll be camping near the town where Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia live. Perhaps we can see how they are doing?" Renji suggested with a shrug.

Byakuya stared at him, as if mentally punching him in the face for being an idiot. "Again... _why_?"

"I... just assumed, sir, that maybe you'd like to see your sister, and..." Renji's voice trailed off due to the glare he was recieving from his Captain.

"You are losing this arguement," Byakuya stated stoicly. "Quite badly."

"Um..." Renji quickly thought through all the pros about camping. _Fishing, cooking, fresh air, wilderness, uhhh..._ "There are flowers?"

Byakuya stared at Renji. His expression was cold and unyielding. "_Flowers_?" Byakuya hissed at last. "You think _flowers_ will make me want to go camping? What sort of thought processes go on inside of your skull, Abarai?"

"Well, sir, your Zanpakto and its attacks are all flower-themed. And don't you study flowers as a hobby?" Renji arched an eyebrow.

"And didn't I tell you not to mention that in public, lest I castrate you with said flower-themed Zanpakto?" Byakuya growled.

"Uh... right..." Renji nodded, his face suddenly losing all traces of color.

"Are you out of reasons yet, Abarai?" Byakuya asked, clearly annoyed.

"Yes, sir..." Renji sighed. "You don't like fishing, fresh air, nature, or anything else involved with camping that I've mentioned. So unless you like pancakes cooked over an open flame, I doubt-"

"Pancakes?" Byakuya suddenly cocked his head to the side, arching an eyebrow. "I like pancakes. What about pancakes?"

"Um, what?" Renji was caught off guard by Byakuya's sudden response.

"You mentioned pancakes..." Byakuya explained. "And I like pancakes..."

"Um... Yes, sir, there will be pancakes..." Renji slowly nodded. "Cooked in a skillet over a campfire... That's kinda one of the main things you do when camping, or so I've heard..."

"Alright, that sounds good..." Byakuya replied. He then turned, and began to walk out the door. "I'll go pack my things. Be ready to leave in three hours..."

Renji stared at Byakuya as he left, not exactly sure of what happened. He quickly gathered his thoughts, and barked "Sir! Yes, sir!" before heading off out a different door. He laughed merrily to himself as he headed back to his own quarters (which scared and permanently scarred a few unseated Squad 6 members he passed by along the way), joyous at the fact that his dreams of camping would soon come true.

Unfortunately, his dreams would also soon become a nightmare...

* * *

Thus ends chapter 1. And just so you know, Byakuya has his own personal reasons for going on the trip. And they aren't pancakes... It will all be explained in chapter 2, so don't worry.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Thanks for reading, and now if you don't mind, please be nice and review! See ya next chapter!

-Agent HUNK


	2. Reasons

Oh wow, people actually are enjoying this story. I suppose this was a good idea, after all...

Okay folks, here's the next chapter. Please take notice that the first part is a non-related conversation between Byakuya and Renji. You may recognise it from my story Random Bleach Tales...

Enjoy! :)

* * *

**Better Left Unknown**

Byakuya Kuchiki and Renji Abarai walked calmly down the streets of the Soul Society. They had just finished a mission, having slain a rather large and powerful Hollow. Not suprisingly, neither of the two Soul Reapers had a scratch on them. As they walked along silently, Renji appeared to be in deep thought. Something was obviously on his mind. "Captain Kuchiki?" he asked at last.

Byakuya glanced over at him, not uttering a word. _What does he want?_

"We've been comrades for a long time," Renji pointed out.

_I don't like where this is going..._ Byakuya thought.

"We could consider ourselves friends, I suppose..." Renji shrugged. "We've helped each other out many times."

_I **really** don't like where this is going..._

"Like that time that woman at the barber shop butchered your hair, and I helped you find a wig..." Renji reminisced.

_Why did he have to bring that up?_

"And that time that idiot messed up my tatoos, and you got him to give me a refund..." Renji smirked at the memory.

_All I did was glare at the guy... Its not like I meant to make him cry... _

"So I'm sure we can trust each other with certain information..." Renji commented.

_I swear, if he says he's gay, I'm killing him. No questions asked._

"So can you answer a personal question for me?" Renji looked over at his Captain.

"I suppose..." Byakuya replied.

"Okay..." Renji nodded. "Answer honestly..."

"What is it?" Byakuya asked, casting a sideways glance at Renji.

"Do you have the hots for your sister?" Renji asked.

The coma that Renji was beaten into lasted three weeks. When he awoke, he had no memory of the event that occured, nor how to use chopsticks.

* * *

Moral of the Story: Don't ask Byakuya about Rukia. Ever.

Poor Renji... Curiousity killed the cat, I suppose.

Okay, now lets get on to the real story...

* * *

As Byakuya packed his things, he could not help but ponder the situation he was getting himself into. He'd be stuck in the human world, with none of the luxuries he was accustomed to. He'd also be stuck with Renji, which did not appeal to him very much, either. But, he had his reasons for going, and they were not pancakes. Although, he did like pancakes... But not enough to go camping on Earth with Renji. Indeed, he had decieved Renji. His reasons for going were, in fact, quite different.

Actually, Renji had mentioned them during the conversation, but Byakuya had pretended not to be interested. For one thing, he wished to see Rukia. Despite being the cold and harsh person he was, he did have some _traces_ of brotherly affection for his adoptive sister. He wished to see for himself how well life on Earth was going for her. He also wished to see how well Ichigo Kurosaki was taking care of her. He was not fond of that boy, nor the obvious fact that he and Rukia had some sort of conection forming, if not already formed, between them. He needed to see for himself how well the two faired together under normal circumstances. If Ichigo treated her kindly, then he would feel less troubled by their... relationship. If Ichigo did not treat her with the respect she deserved, or dared to lay a hand on her, he... he...

Byakuya clenched his fist at the idea, imagining Ichigo Kurosaki being shredded in an instant by billions of sakura petals. "Death by pretty flowers!" was the way a 6th Division member had once described the shikai attack of Byakuya's Zanpakto. Sadly, he made the mistake of saying this in the general presence of Byakuya. Seconds later, the man was decimated by Senbonzakura's petals of steel.

This, however, brought up the other reason for Byakuya's consent to the trip. What Renji had mentioned about flowers was true. Byakuya loved to study, collect, and document flowers. He'd read books on the plants and flowers of the human world, but he'd never had the opportunity nor the time to examine them for himself. And now that he was going camping, he would have the perfect chance to study flowers in peace. He'd just have to make sure Renji didn't see him doing so. But then again, it was doubtful the Vice-Captain would dare to breath a word of it to anyone else. The threat of castration by Senbonzakura tended to keep the man's mouth shut.

Byakuya finally finished his packing. He had several sets of travelling clothes, several books and writing utensils for studying flowers, a box of emergency rations (he doubted Renji could cook anything decent, let alone pancakes...), a spirit phone to warn of Hollows and/or call for rescue (from either the Hollows or Renji...) with, and of course... a picture of his deceased wife, Hisana. He always slept with a portrait of her by his beside, facing towards him. No one else knew this about him, of course. Not even Rukia...

But Renji would undoubtably learn about it over the course of the camping trip. Which would, of course, be no problem. As previously mentioned, the threat of castration worked wonders with Renji...

* * *

Byakuya likes to hate on Renji, doesn't he?

Next chapter: The trip begins!

Thanks for reading, folks! I hope you enjoyed the chapter... See ya!

-Agent HUNK


	3. Supplies

IT LIIIIIIIVES!! -insert evil laughter and background thunder effects here-

So I decided to come out of retirement and start writing again. As I skimmed over the list of stories I'd left unfinished, this little jewel caught my eye. I realized that it had a lot of potential, and it'd be a shame to waste all that. So rejoice! Camping with Squad 6 is now back in progress. :)

Sadly, I've forgotten a few of the jokes I had planned. However, I remember the majority of them, so hopefully it'll still work out pretty good.

Lets get this show back on the road! :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any of its characters or content.

* * *

"Aaaah..." Kisuke Urahara sighed, propping his feet up on the counter of his store and leaning back in his chair. "What a great day... Nothin' to do but sit back and relax..." Business at his little shop had been slow today, but he didn't care. Its not like he needed the money... Ichigo and Rukia tended to fund him for weeks with every purchase they made, and ever since they'd started doing business with him, he'd found himself rarely concerned with money. Granted, he had _other_ things to worry about now, thanks to them, but those things didn't bother him all that often. None of that mattered right now, of course. At this point in time, all he wanted to do was lay back and relax.

The jingling of the door's bells ruined all hope he had of relaxing, though. Especially when he tilted the brim of his hat up slightly and realized who had just entered his store. Instantly, Urahara's eyes widened, and he yanked the brim of his hat back down over them. "Oooooh crap..."

"Why are we hear, Abarai?" Byakuya Kuchiki growled to his Vice-Captain, looking around the _shop_he'd just been forced to enter against his will. Both men were wearing camouflaged hunting pants, white t-shirts, and camo jackets. The also had on camo caps - which forced them to wear their hair down. Renji's had his in a long pony tail which hung to his lower back, while Byakuya's was simply hanging loosely around his face. The Captain would never admit it, but it was actually nice to not have his hair done up in some weird fashion for once.

"Because, Sir..." Renji Abarai sighed, "We need camping supplies. I brought sleeping bags and some food, but we still need a tent, lanterns, fishing supplies, and other such things. Whats the fun of camping if we don't have everything we need for it?"

"Ahem!" Urahara coughed, slightly changing his voice in order to avoid unwanted attention. He also tilted his hat further down, shielding his eyes. "If you're interested in camping supplies... I might be able to help. Just wait right here, and I'll see what we have in stock!" He quickly rose to his feet, and scurried into the back part of the store. Byakuya stared at him for several seconds, a look of curiosity on his face.

"Sir..." Renji arched an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Byakuya suddenly blinked, and averted his eyes. "That store owner just reminded me of someone I once knew... But I'm sure it was just a coincidence. So... When are we actually going to start the camping itself?"

"Well, once we get what we need, we can just head out to the local camping park, find a place, and set up camp. Or if you'd like, we could stop by and see Rukia and Ich-" Renji held his tongue at the sight of the glare Byakuya shot at him. "Right, straight to the park it is..."

"If time permits, we can visit them before we return to the Soul Society," Byakuya relented after a few seconds of silence. He did not notice the dinging of the door's entrance bell in the background. "But I would much prefer if my sister and her substitute did not know we were he-"

"BYAKUYA?!" a familiar female voice suddenly exclaimed from behind them.

"Uh oh..." the two Shinigami both muttered involuntarily in unison. Turning around, they beheld a surprising yet not-altogether-unexpected sight. Rukia and Ichigo were both standing in front of the entrance, dressed in their school uniforms and wearing horrified expressions.

"Wh-wh-WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?!" Ichigo stammered, eyes wide in shock - it wasn't just the fact that they were there, it was the fact that they were there dressed like _that_ that caught him so off guard.

"Official Soul Society business," Byakuya snapped back without hesitation. "We are not allowed to answer questions, so do not even bother asking them, _Kurosaki_." He made sure to put a little extra venom in the last part, just to cement his image as the intimidating older brother...

"The better questions is, what are _you two_doing here?" Renji smirked, inwardly praying that he could change the subject quickly.

"We're, uh..." Ichigo blinked dumbly. In truth, he and Rukia had come by to pick up the bounty on the Hollow they'd killed yesterday. But he got the feeling that Urahara wouldn't want them knowing that he dabbled in stuff like that... Ichigo was dumb, but not stupid.

"We came by to get some candy!" Rukia suddenly chimed. "Yep, Ichigo wanted a candy bar, so I said we could drop by here and pick up a few..."

Byakuya stared at Rukia, and then slowly shifted his gaze to Ichigo. There was something he wished to say, but his stubborn nobility wouldn't allow him to sink to that level, no matter how entertaining it would have been to see Ichigo's reaction. Luckily, Renji said it for him. "Hah hah!" Renji laughed, pointing at Ichigo. "You have to have her permission just to get a candy bar? Man, you are WHIPPED! HAH HAH HAH!!" Renji doubled over, laughing at the fact that Ichigo effectively had no free will with Rukia around, it seemed. His laughter was infectious - Rukia began to giggle at the sight of Ichigo's rapidly reddening face, and Byakuya's expression showed the subtle hint of a smirk, which was as much as he would allow.

And then, of course, Ichigo did what was expected - he charged across the room, jumped into the air, and let loose a stream of obscenities as he drop kicked Renji in the head. The two rivals promptly hit the floor, and began to roll around punching and kicking each other without mercy while screaming swears and insults at each other. As the brawl continued, Rukia made her way over to her brother, and bowed to show her respect. "It is good to see you again, Brother. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help."

"It is good to see you too, Rukia. I trust all is well?" Byakuya asked, arms folded behind his back in an aristocratic manner, which definitely did not match his image at the moment.

"Yes, Brother, everything is normal," Rukia nodded. A loud crash and a pained shriek from nearby helped to back up her statement.

"Good," Byakuya nodded. "Be sure to inform me if Ichigo fails in his duties, or ignores your instructions, or-"

"HEY JERK!!" Ichigo screamed from nearby as he tried to wrestle out of a headlock. "I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO **TRY** TO GET ME FIRED, YA KNOW!!"

"Hmph..." Byakuya frowned slightly. "Such horrible manners. I do not see why you continue to work with him..." _Or what she sees in him. Fate must hate me if this man is to be my brother-in-law one day... Ugh. What a horrifying thought! _

"AHEM!" a loud voice suddenly coughed. Rukia and Byakuya turned their attention the counter, while Renji and Ichigo stopped choking each other for a moment to see what was going on. Urahara, hat still yanked over his eyes, gestured to several cardboard boxes he'd placed upon the counter. "Tents, lanterns, fire-starting kits, first-aid kits, fishing supplies, hatchet, knife, compass, map, survival guide, canteens, bottled water, soap, and a flare gun. Everything you need to camp in a fun AND safe manner is in these boxes!"

"Camping?" Ichigo and Rukia both arched their eyebrows, but neither Byakuya nor Renji paid them any attention.

"Excellent!" Renji staggered to his feet, dusting himself off. "Thanks!"

"Now how will you be paying for this?" Urahara quickly asked, pulling out his fan and suddenly flipping it up in front of his face, so that only his mischievous eyes could be seen.

Renji checked his wallet... and realized he had no human money. "Uh oh..." He looked back at Byakuya, who shot him a confused glance. The Captain obviously didn't carry any human money - he probably didn't even know what small bills in Soul Society currency looked like! Renji then looked at Rukia, who shrugged. There was no way she could help him out. The only person who probably had any human money was...

"Huh?" Ichigo, still sprawled out on the ground, suddenly realized that everyone was staring at him. "What? What are you looking at me for?" Then it hit him. "Oh..." he narrowed his eyes, and with a sigh began to reach for his wallet.

"I hate all of you..."

* * *

Huzzah! I finally got around to continuing this story! I'm so happy!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you got a laugh or two out of it, too. Thank you for reading it, and I also hope you'll be kind enough to leave me a review, too. If you have any suggestions or comments, I'll be sure to read them!

Thanks for reading. Until next chapter, see ya!

-Agent HUNK


End file.
